7 Things I Miss About Love
I write a lot about love. But if someone were to look at my most popular articles on love, they might think that I don’t like it. Or that I don’t miss it. But that’s not true. There are many things that I miss about love. And just because I think the concept of a soulmate is bullsh*t doesn’t mean I don’t think about love.
Love is that ultimate high. Love is unbridled hope. It’s f*cking powerful. It’s beautiful. But it’s scary. So, while I am enjoying learning the lessons from a year of ignoring love, I still miss it.
About Missing Love
There are parts of several relationships that I miss. Characteristics of several partners that I still think about it. But what I am doing now is looking at the things I cherish and appreciating them for what they were. And what they could be in the future, with someone new.
The way I conceived talking about this subject is below. It’s how I think about love now. You isn’t you. Or someone from my past. It’s you. The future love that I miss before I even have it again.
I miss that initial, words-can’t-describe-this spark. The kind where you know. And you know they know. Basically, it’s on. You know you’re going to fall in love. And you are going to spend however-the-f*ck-many dates pretending you are building up to love. But you both know you are already there. Because you have that spark.
Sure, maybe some sparks fade. But those sparks weren’t the spark that I am talking about. Those sparks were in your pants. And when they weren’t, they died. That’s not this spark.
This spark is the way I look at you when you’re looking away until you catch me. This spark is the way you tingle when you hear my voice. This spark is the kind that makes time stand still. This spark is what you want. It’s what I want. But it’s elusive. This spark doesn’t get extinguished because we live too far. Or because our lives are complicated. This spark is everything.
It’s I can’t live without you at this moment. It’s you are so hot, we need to pull this car over right f*cking now. It’s that desire, the one that burns inside of you even when you want it to stop. Even when you want it to slow down. But it can’t. Because it’s pure fire.
You give me hope. Hope that there is someone out there who will get me. Not just understand me and the words I say, but really get me. Inside. Without me having to explain what I am feeling. You will know. It’s why you give me hope.
It doesn’t matter if the road isn’t perfectly paved for us to walk off into some Hollywood sunset because I don’t want that. I want hope. Hope that when things go to sh*t, we don’t. Hope that what we have is stronger than anything that will try to ruin us. Hope that this exists.
You, in and of yourself are hope. The fact that you walked into my life is an indication that I should have always had hope. That you would come.
I like sleeping on my own. I like having the whole bed to myself, with a dog at my feet. But it’s different when I sleep with you. Not sex, sleep. I feel a sense of calm when we are sleeping. I feel at peace with you next to me. Our breathing in harmony, our limbs intertwined. I sleep better when I am with you.
And when I wake before you, I watch you sleep. Because nothing is more peaceful than watching someone you love sleep. Gentle breaths, in and out. Your face. The way your body lies when you are so relaxed. The way your eyes open for the first time that day. And how I smile when you wake. And how you smile when you see me.
We rise together. We lay together. The bed is where discord is not allowed. Only love. And passion. And quiet reticence. Because it’s where we dream together. When we sleep together.
There’s something about traveling with you that makes everything better. Brighter. More exciting. More wondrous. It’s you. You, with me. Us. On a journey into a world that is just waiting for us.
It’s not about where we are, it’s about who we are. Together. And how this moment in time, in a place that is not our home, is so important. This very second, standing here, is everything. Just you and I. With the rest of the world spinning around us.
The thing about travel is that it’s a portal to a new dimension. One where we haven’t been. One where we can explore together. Not just the sights and landmarks, but each other. Away from the monotony of life. Even if that monotony is hot. It’s not vacation hot. But you are.
No, not the grocery list. Although sometimes your handwriting alone makes me hot because it’s an extension of your hand. It speaks to me as you do. The notes you leave me. The cards you write me. The messages you give me, without warning, of your love for me.
They are more than anyone knows. They mean more than anyone thinks. The notes I leave in your dresser. The notes I hide for you, not knowing when you will find them. The notes that are vulnerable, yet raw, and have to be delivered only this way.
The words that you leave only for me. So I can imbibe them and feel their warmth all throughout my body. Because it’s from you. And it’s love. Our love.
Everything is more peaceful with your love. The world keeps trying to bring us down, but it can’t. Because we have each other and in us, we have that feeling of being at peace. That quiet contentment that just is.
It’s calming. Because we aren’t searching. We aren’t wondering if the grass is greener somewhere else. Because we know it’s not. It won’t be. It can’t be. Because this is it. That’s why it’s so peaceful.
When you’re in nature and you hear the sounds of a river, the wave of the trees, the songs of the birds and the rustle of the leaves, all with a cool breeze passing right through you — that’s us. And all is right with the world.
I don’t know you, but I miss you. Whoever you are. Because I know you’re out there, looking for me. You don’t know it yet. I don’t know it yet. But we are on course. We wouldn’t have it any other way.
We are building our life experiences so that when we come together, the spark will ignite. There is no right time for you. No right place. You will come to me when you do. And I will have my eyes open. But only for you.
You are who I am waiting for. When I see you, it will hit me. Hard. Because every step of our lives led us to this moment. It’s not love at first sight, it’s life. It’s everything, this very moment. It’s you. Whoever you are. Wherever you are.